I don't know

There is something that is just so satisfying about just not knowing sometimes.

This thought came as a shock to me today because I am the queen of NEEDING TO KNOW!! I like to be in control. I like to plan out my day. I make lists of lists to make. Seriously. (I also add things to a list that weren't previously on it but have since completed during my day just to make myself feel like I have accomplished more. That's a whole 'nother issue...). I have a love/hate relationship with texting. (Love it cause people can be tracked down and therefore I get to know what they are doing. Hate it because of said reason and also when I don't get a prompt answer.) I could go on but I'm pretty sure you probably catch my drift! (Can you say lighten up much?!)

It probably doesn't surprise you to hear that I'm also not very patient. So when I get an idea, I just want to go with it. Correction: I NEED to go with it.

God has been revealing Himself to me so much in this last year. You know that verse, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you"? So true! As I've drawn nearer to the Lord, He has revealed Himself to me in ways that I was not expecting. And that I still don't expect. I don't know about you but I have had a very narrow view of who God is and how He is supposed to act. I think He is probably purposely acting out of those ways just so my mind can be driven crazy STRETCHED!

I have had so many ideas and things I have been wanting to do for some time now. (And they are good, God ideas! Nothing wrong with them at all!) Most of them I have just gone ahead with without really seeking the Lord's direction. And they have all flopped. I ended up with nothing but frustration.

But there have been a few that I have done nothing about yet. Except pray. Probably due to fear that it would fail. But now I pray because I know that the answer isn't necessarily "No, it won't work", but "No, it's not time yet". This is what I mean about not knowing. I don't have to live my days in frustration that I can't do anything. God is shaping me to carry out His will here on earth and right now that just means "It's not time yet". The satisfaction comes from knowing that He is guiding me. Day by day. Step by step. Moment by moment. If I will just lay down my need to control and instead give it to Him to guide me, He will be faithful. God knows the desires of my heart. Today I am trusting Him with those desires. And I am thankful that He loves me and cares and wants to fulfill those desires in accordance with His good purposes for my life.

I hope this little thought acts as a bit of encouragement for those of you that are just waiting for an answer. Don't give up. Keep drawing nearer to God. Your answer will come.

Be blessed today!

Leah